After high school, I joined a Catholic religious teaching order back in the tropics for 11 years. When my family left for the states, I stayed behind. My late Mom kept asking me to visit and just check it out. That I did for a summer, but I did not stay ( even if I already had a green card ). The following year, my mom died. This time I came back and stayed. I tried to transfer to the US branch of our order. But when the time for perpetual vows came, I opted out because of doubts regarding my ability to stay celibate for life. I started over as a teacher then went back to school for an IS degree. I worked as a programmer and looked for my soulmate. After a decade of no luck, my late dad sat me down for a heart to heart. "If it were up to me, I want to be a priest." I said. That year, a buy-out was offered at work, so I took it and used the money to continue my theological studies while working with the local vocation director. At the end, my application was denied. But on that very day was when I met my wife to-be.  The is my journal from all these years when I have tried to know, love and serve the Lord.